*sigh* alright, here's the deal. I'm generally one of the ones giving the advice, I'd hope well. This time though, I'm at the end of my rope. I don't know what to do to deal with this situation, and if I don't ask for some help soon there's the possibility I will handle things totally wrong.

Reading my profile and such, you get the impression that my wife and I are very open people. The fact is, this is only half... well let's call it 3/4 true.

I love my girl. I love her like the Sun come down from the sky. That said, there is a growing rift starting which unless I get it checked one way or the other is gonna do us in. I'll explain.

While I've got alot of history in sex-positivity, deviant behavior in general. It has historically been almost impossible for me to maintain a sheerly vanilla monogamous relationship. I think it's important to note (not trying to be egotistical) that if I set my mind to it, I am almost razor sharp at seduction. I spent 2 years as a pleasure slave, learning everything from how to do makeup on any ethnicity in the world to bringing a woman to orgasm with nothing but the muscles vibrating in my throat. (hard to explain, harder to teach. lol) I mention it's easy, because it being easy makes the entire situation harder.

Linz, while having her own wild side in her youth was more along the lines of your typical drug-induced deviant-high-school-sex kinda thing. To her, while she indulged me more than once, that was a phase she's done with. My first hot-button here is that due to that fact it's terribly difficult to deal with the fact that she can't share in what has been my lifestyle in one way or another for a loooong long time.

I'm starting to freak out, juuuust a little. I've toned myself down as much as I could. I've suppressed everything from my very certain bisexuality to my tenancy toward the Grey area that lies somewhere between polyamoury and swinging. This has been an issue between us for quite some time. In the beginning, Linz was down for the occasional playtime with a guy/girl/both kinda thing. Still, it came up quite a bit that I'm comfortable in quite a different zone relationship wise than we're currently at.

In the past, jabs were traded, but short of that no resolution was really reached. Time goes by, I keep quiet until I'm about to explode, I try and draw her out, it gets swept under the rug, repeat.

The reason this is more complex than a simple resolve-communicate-or-leave kind of scenario is that in every way... EVERY WAY other than this we're perfectly matched. No deviant encounter has ever led me to a girl I felt as well matched with.

Still, this is my life, this is my personality. I feel resentment growing as I continue to deny this part of my personality, this part of myself.

I've tried to discuss this with people before, most notably my best friend. She commenced to freak out on me due to a year-old threesome we'd all had, and we're now no longer friends.

Just pointing out, that so far all this situation has done for me is take. It's taking my sanity bit by bit. I'm getting a shorter and shorter fuze about the subject, and it's even cost me one of the most important relationships in my life.

In the past, I would just start cheating. You can judge me all you like for that. To me, it's a matter of getting by. However, as you can probably imagine that leads to eventual discovery and disaster. I've been down this road a few times with significant others. Cheating or no, this will eventually overwhelm us.

I just don't know what to do, or to say, to anyone. I could continue the way I am and wait until it's too much and I wrap myself around someone who gets the one part of me my partner doesn't. I could put my foot down and what will likely happen is she will aquiese, at least occasionally, just for my sake, for awhile. Neither of those options are really acceptable to me, but for the life of me I can't find a third.

So I put it to you, perfect strangers. My friends have failed me. My almost macchiavellian ability to agument any relationship with it's missing parts elsewhere is just not good enough for me anymore.

I'm lost. No solution in the past will work here, and I'm fresh out of ideas. I'm frustrated to the point of rage, and feel the time coming where I will sabotage anything just to save something. If linz is part of that everything I may as well fall on my sword right now.

It's maddening, to match someone so perfectly in all but one way.

Especially when it's this.

PS: I'm cross posting this like mad, so you may see it again. I need an idea, an answer. Hope for my situation. Otherwise, I'm not exactly sure I won't become ground zero, and everyone left in my life become casualties.